2014 - Déjà Vu

Three months, two weeks, five days and some odd hours from when I left Spain last December, I find myself back again. WOW! Un-be-LIEV- able!! The word surreal barely begins to express what it feels like being here – so soon after leaving -- and for the reasons that bring me back. I’ve started writing this blog from the country villa I was renting before. And nothing, really has changed. Remember the one? Eduardo and Amparo’s estate surrounded by olive trees with a great view of the little old castle on the hill up across the village where, last fall, I blissfully wandered the farmers market and was shocked to see snow! What a head trip to see that castle again, the market, and all the familiar small-town roads. In fact, I just brewed a cup of coffee and am pretty sure I used the last of the sugar I left here in December. 

To recap…my trip last fall was for 3 months to explore the southern region of Spain and take in the culture. I lived and traveled 2 of those months around Granada then moved in November to the rural town of Cocentaina near the Mediterranean coastline. I like to call that trip my “return to sanity” after the challenges caring for my grandmother and, later, the divorce…blah blah blah. Figured running away to Spain – ALONE – for 3 months would be an ideal way to see a super cool part of the world and help transition me into the next phase of my life -- whatever the hell THAT was going to be! But what I didn’t expect was to get swept off my feet by a charming, funny, intelligent, gentle, blue-eyed Welshman who’d ultimately fly across the globe (literally) in the dead of winter to help me break away from Portland and bring me back to start my next chapter with him instead. Sometimes one just never knows which way the wind will blow!

My "stuff" pared down to a small storage unit

Our time together in Oregon was incredibly special, and Huw was a real trooper bopping around meeting the whole clan of friends and family…but I’m not gonna lie…it was also INCREDIBLY stressful. Stressful because I had monstrous decisions to make. (And if you know me, simply trying to decide between soup and salad can be treacherous.) Was I going to keep an apartment in Portland and travel back and forth between there and Spain every three months or so? Or was it better to get rid of all my stuff and keep an open itinerary with some uncertainty as to a “permanent residence”? There was no easy answer. And the thought of reducing your life’s possessions down to a 5 x 5 storage unit and moving thousands of miles away with a man you’ve barely met, well, that’s some pretty scary shit! Of course I had to think about my boys and other family and friends too. Could I leave all of them for an unknown amount of time?? The indecision drove me nuts! Then one morning I woke up, with a giant weight lifted, and told Huw I’d sell my stuff, go back with him, and try to get a long-stay visa for Spain. I would take the leap, cuz ultimately I didn’t want that nasty ‘ol monster Regret breathing down my neck. As for my boys, well, if they weren’t doing as fantastic as they were, in the lives they’ve started to live quite independently, I don’t think I could’ve decided what I did. Damn I’m proud of them! And thanks, boys, for giving me your blessing to do this. I love you SO much!!! XOXOX

True paella made by master Eduardo

So what’s happening now? oh. my. gawd. We’re having a BLAST! Just chillin’ really. We wake up to sun and no alarm clock. We take walks. Sometimes I go for a run. We get creative – Huw with his photography and me with my writing. We talk. We think. We laugh and revisit old movies. We cook for each other and sample new wines (ok, that’s a lie…we drink a LOT of wine!) We explore the countryside, take in the local festivities (more on those later), and occasionally just hang out with Eduardo, Amparo and their band of eclectic friends and relatives. Usually this includes a GIANT pan of paella rice, prepared fresh over a flame in a large brick oven. Awesome Spanish tradition! The best part of those evenings is the hilarious, and often incomprehensible, blend of Spanish and English mixed together in a haphazard flurry of bad grammar and exaggerated hand gestures as we all try to communicate together in the only possible way we can.

Jealous yet? Don’t be. We’ve got our share of headaches too.  There’s drama among friends that Huw and I are caught in the middle of. And we’re getting awfully frustrated with closing the deal on his house…Spaniards are notoriously lax, and I swear there’s a bank holiday every other day, so business takes FOREVER! Sometimes ordinary bad luck happens too. Just today we had car trouble forcing us to change plans and return home. And I had major issues with the washing machine then spent an hour hand washing the load before hanging the clothes out on the line.

View from Huw's new villa…if we can ever move in

By far the greatest challenge is still the language barrier. Despite my best intentions to continue studying back in the States and improve my Spanish, I simply didn’t. Days turned into weeks. And those weeks slipped by as my re-entry into American life overshadowed my time in Spain. Soon, I no longer needed to think about what I needed and wanted to say…I just said it. But now that I’m back here, and could stay here for a much, much longer time, it’s necessary again to focus on learning the language. Problem is, it’s a slow and frustrating process. Fortunately, I’m picking back up where I left off. I can still read a lot of signs. I can still order in a restaurant. I can still transact money. I just can’t bloody hold a conversation, with ACTUAL  people, that uses more than a few simple words in a sentence!!! GGGRRRRRR!!!!!! But I am trying, and I’ve been studying with a good app, Duolingo, that cousin Sara turned me onto – gracias chica!

Easter procession in Cocentaina

All this seems like a sort of curious balancing act between being a foreigner in another country and living, “normally,” among the natives. I’m definitely feeling less like a tourist – much more like a resident. I suppose it’s only natural when you start doing things like browsing furniture stores instead of old cathedrals. Buying large containers of shampoo rather than those little travel-size bottles. And preferring home-cooked meals over touristy tapas bars. Hell, even when I eat now, I use my fork upside down in my left hand, piling the food up on the end (look that one up if you don’t get the reference). HA! This is what acclimating to a European lifestyle looks like I suppose.

The other day I walked up to the castle above Cocentaina. My déjà vu was profound! I never expected to see that view again, let alone possibly living here. Strolling back down the hill, I thought about my good fortune and what it means to have such a leisurely, luxurious life right now. Suddenly it occurred to me what I think this adventure is really about and what I hope to relay through this blog. Yeah, sure, I’ll have some travel stories and talk about the trouble I get myself into. But there’s more now compared to what I shared last fall. Now this is the story of stripping away a big part of my American culture. Letting go of certain beliefs systems. Questioning certain values, ideas, customs, and ways of life. I think many people in the States dream of simpler ways. Leaving the mad race to “succeed” and having fewer things, fewer responsibilities to occupy their time. Well, maybe I can’t speak for others, but that’s certainly been my own desire. The time is now even if my plans are temporary at best and subject to change at any moment. Either way, I’ll be damned if I’m not gonna jump in and give this a whirl! 

LOVE being back!!